Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Mommy was yelling, "Don't jump on that couch!"
The stocking were hung on the mantle with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
With visions of trains dancing 'round in their heads.
While the living room was strewn with a load of Christmas crap
Daddy settled on his couch with his nightcap.
When outside the door there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew in a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon rose high in the clear winter sky
The stars seemed to twinkle and say "Merry Christmas, goodnight."
When, what to my wondering eyes did appear
But the redneck neighbors out front drinking beer.
I gave them the bitchiest look I could bear
Don't they know that it's late and 20 degrees out here?
I swear that I'll hurt them if the babies they wake
I don't think they know what is truly at stake!
At last I resigned to my bed for the night
So exhausted and sleepy there was no reason to fight!
As I drifted off to sleep I thought with all my might
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."