In all honesty, if she were close, I don't know that I would make anymore time for her...it seems selfish, I know. This woman who used to take me for weeks on end during the summer, who taught me about growing plants and watching birds, who ALWAYS spoiled me with ice cream and taught me to appreciate dolls as pretty things and not toys...I wish life was different sometimes. Oh to go back to the pure goodness of a summers day in the grape vine, strawberry patch or pear tree.
I am so blessed to have so much family that lives long and prosperous lives. Sometimes though, it's exhausting. I try so hard to get around to all my grandparents and great grandparents. It's sad that I have lost 2 in the past few years but somehow it almost feels like my shoulders are less heavy.
As we saw Grandma C. for her bday party it dawned on me that she had never actually met and held Gavin...dear LORD!!! There are some people that have only one grandparent, how could they not have met in over a year? Yes, then I am reminded of the excuses...I work 2 jobs because the husband got laid off...I went back to work from maternity leave early because I spent all my leave on bed rest...oh pity.
How ashamed I feel at this moment for not taking the time to introduce my youngest to our very own piece of history. I don't know that things will get better, most likely not. Gavin may not see her again until her funeral for all I know, which is sad. I wish she was in better health and that my boys could spend time with her, see her for the person I view her as...a strong Christian woman who loves her family, loves to nuture and watch others grow. Then, life happens to me again. If I could just divide every second of my day between those I love and want my children to love also...there is really no peace about it. So I will continue to pray...
((HUGS))
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